Tag Archives: Night School

Past, present, and future of the clan

150 Years of Family Dynamics and a Small Dream . . .

There are times when working with Dream opens up a story. That story may be a new story – such as the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde dream that Robert Louis Stevenson had once. Or it may be a common story, like the having-to-take-a-high-school-exam-dream that soooooooo does not make sense in a person so far removed from the last Homecoming Dance. But what about encountering a story in dream that is so old, you just know it is older than you are? Like those “trickster” dreams in which something shape-shifts into something else, and you just have a feeling this dream is not about the dreamer.

In December 2007 I had what I thought was a pretty average dream about me. A couple of months later, working that dream in depth with a mentor, I felt the entire Greek Pantheon in a struggle about

ZeusPedimentOlympiame. The dream was not about me at all, only my perception of the dram was really about me. The gods of Olympus were duking it out – again.  I won’t relay the whole dream, as that would make the length of this post unbearable. But enough to give you the idea.

I am in a living room of the house I live in. I am thinking I should paint this room – [edited for length]. There is an oil portrait of an ancestor in this room.  It is actually more like a pharaoh, and I am at some point in the dream thinking when he wakes up, he will wreak havoc and do harm if I don’t have something for him to eat and drink. I wonder if I can fend him off for a while with that bottle of port I have in the dining room.
In a room there are some relics in bookcases or display cases that have value, handed down from the family, including things on top like a 19th century “perpetual motion machine” – those things concerned with keeping some constant motion – they are really like toys.  One of them has a series of 8 cups and 8 ball bearings, it takes at least two of the bearings to operate the contraption, and as I am looking at it the last two ball bearings that fit into a cup to maintain motion fall out and quit.  I am thinking I needPharoah Clock to fix this, feeling really worried that the pharaoh will attack if I do not.  As I start to fix it, an older man like my father in law tells me, ‘Here is what I would do. It’s now December. I would tell the guy that runs this he has until February.”

The dream continues a seemingly interminable length. The next scene is about my son and his debate partner; then a scene where I am robbed and humiliated by two men. At the end of the dream I have to track these men down to regain my manhood – for my son more so than for me.

The chain of associations in this dream with a mentor were very long. Part of that is that the images seemed so very, very old, much older even than the 150 years of family history represented. The sadness of two centuries of men who had lost sons, boys who had lost brothers, families with an empty spot, informed me in my body of the weight and responsibility I carry just in being alive. I can see it in the firmly set mouths of many of my forbears, each living with a kind of 19th century ancestral pain:

Clockwise from upper left; Randal McGavock (1826-1863; Philip Lindsley (center, 1786-1855); William Cocke, (1768-1848), Jacob McGavock, Felix Grundy (1777-1840.)
Clockwise from upper left;                                                                                                                                 Randal McGavock (1826-1863); Philip Lindsley (center, 1786-1855); William Cocke, (1768-1848), Jacob McGavock (1790-1878), Felix Grundy (1777-1840.)

When my father was 6 years old, his 24 year old brother was killed in a car wreck. Their father, my grandfather, has lost his 22 year old brother when he was 24 due to pneumonia. Their father, my great grandfather, lost his 17 year old brother when he was 19 “whilst a student at Bethany College” in 1864. Their father had also lost siblings, on back. Part of the story was multigenerational grief and loss; what was the other part?

The unspoken part of this family curse was that between my brother and me, without knowing all the family history of centuries back, I had the nagging sense that one of us didn’t belong. As my brother was perfect (Phi Beta Kappa at Vanderbilt; established in my father’s business) – I must have been the expendable one. I survived peritonitic and appendicitis at 11 months of age, against odds, as the family story holds. I always got the message “I am lucky to be here, and perhaps not really necessary in the equation.” The dream references the anger of the gods when they realize that, maybe like some Harry Potter, I was “The Boy Who Lived” when he shouldn’t have. Addiction and addiction recovery, and working through that sense of superfluous existence, is at the heart of the dream. As old a story as the survivors of generation upon generation.

The story unfolded even more deeply. My first wife’s father died at age 39. Her grandfather at 49, and on back in time for four generations at least no Millard father lived to see the age of fifty, going back to her great grandfather who died as Lieutenant Governor in California. Amazing how those two pieces fit together, isn’t it? And bearing down on age 40, perhaps the strain of my own mortality, my family complex and hers, may have contributed to an unconscious flight from my fear of perishing that led to a divorce. Something about all of that became apparent in the dream; something about my history was understandable, and leads to a compassion for both the mother of my children, that first marriage that could not hold, and my current relationship with my children and my new wife and her children. Old story. New cast of characters. Multiple possible endings?

Past, present, and future of the clan
Past, present, and future of the clan

A few images from this dream many years ago stay present with me today. One is the idea of the angry pharaoh, disturbed into awakening by a shaking of the order of things. I occasionally have to make peace with the pharaoh; to convince him time marches on, and that people and systems evolve and develop. Another is the portrait of Philip Lindsey, who really does hang in my dining room. His portrait does, rather; he does not personally hang out there; he hangs in Mt. Olivet Cemetery, actually. And another is the notion of the “perpetual motion machine” and what happens when things stop. Sometimes, when caught in a cycle I cannot see ending, I can visualize this machine, see it stop, and then explore what happens next. Do you have a cycle you wish would stop? Can you see yourself living beyond a problem or complex that currently has you so in its grip that it defines you?

Sweet dreams . . . to you and to all sleeping Pharaohs.

Life Publishing 1911 "College Number"

A Year in the Life: Hits and Misses in the DreamTemple

  • One Year. 20 Blog Posts on Dreams.
  • 3 Workshops. 60 dreamgroups. About 170 individual sessions.
  • A New Dreamgroup Design.
  • Breaking the 500 barrier on “Linked In” connections.
  • A new job and a new practice.

Nashville Parthenon in September 2013

So one year later, another hot August day, another bright idea. I have been here before. This blog started the way many other things start: Thinking while doing something else. Doesn’t matter if I was in the shower, or driving to work, or crocheting. My mind was elsewhere. And in that elsewhere my mind thought, “I bet I have 52 topics for dream blog! I could do a post a week on just what is in my head now!”  So I dictated to Siri a list which by the time I got to work (Yes, I WAS in the car) had gotten to 31 different topics. As I transcribed I thought of several more. I had to write.

The Medium is the Message

It has been fifty years now since Marshall McLuhan taught us that phrase in his book, “Understanding Media.” What he meant was, we need to study the medium in which the message is brought to us. Dreams have been recently pooh-poohed as a soft medium with no more message that the random firing of neurons, or on the other extreme perhaps, a spiritualist seance every night.

Life Publishing 1911 "College Number"
Life Publishing 1911 “College Number”

So in service to the 20th century’s best known “medium”, Edgar Cayce’s son, Hugh Lynn Cayce, is quoted as saying, “The best interpretation of a dream is the one you apply.” And to update that to the present, this year, one of my favorite new dream quotes is: “The best interpretation of a dream is the dream itself.” No interpretation needed; the image is the image.

Today, one year into this blog, I might agree that I had to write, and I also might have to admit now I have less to say. The best experience of the dream is the dream, and we all have them every night. Trying to capture every message from every dream is like cataloging snowflakes to prove their difference or discover their similarities. At some level, we all have to let the snow melt into the ground and await the next skyfall.

That being said, this morning, I looked over my original list of dream topics. It looks to me like there are a lot of areas left untouched. So oneward in this, Post One of Year Two: once or twice a month, it does not hurt to have a reminder in the inbox about the value of the miracle that happens repeatedly each night.

Sweet dreams.

 

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DreamStars: 5 Reasons for Dreaming of Famous Folk

Some people dream of the Rich and Famous all the time; for others it is rare to dream of someone famous. I’ve had quite a few dreams of Governors and Presidents, fewer dreams if any about people from Hollywood or Music Row (I live in Nashville). My favorite such dream occurred the morning after the Presidential Election in 2008 as the last image I had before going to sleep was that proud American moment – for Democrats and Republicans alike – when the Obama family waved at all of us from Grant Park in Chicago. My dream went like this:

There is a restaurant associated with a retreat center and I am coming in – lots of glass and several sections, some large, to the restaurant. It is compartmentalized perhaps in the same way as the parking garage was yesterday in real life at the doctor’s office. At any rate. I wind up sitting with Bill Clinton about 20 minutes or so. We talk and he is glib and very much at ease. I may share with him a dream I had about Hilary. [A woman from ] contracts brings him a cup of coffee and asks if I would like one too, out of courtesy, and I reply “I would, thank you”. Thinking then of cream and equal, which I see on the table, I say, “I’ll have mine black.”

I woke up amused for a couple of Obama Clintonreasons, one being the comfort and ease that Bill Clinton displayed like a regular guy, reading the paper as I recalled in the dream. And of course, endorsement of the change to a new president, “I’ll have mine black.” I never order black coffee!

Dr. Michael Lennox in his book Dream Sight tells us that celebrities are the gods and goddesses of today; the images of publicity now rule where the Olympians reigned in the time of the original Dream Temples. So in one sense, those personalities to whom we give our time and attention may constellate in the dreamtime. I was concerned in another dream that Sigmund Freud, with whom I had been hanging out all day, was eating pork for dinner. I then decided it must be my issue, not his. Very apt, since he had been dead sixty-five years when I dreamed thus.

Research says that dreams of famous people occur perhaps less than you would expect. But that research is evolving, and as Americans face more and more screen time in their week, It doesn’t take a lot for a Snooki or a Kim Kardashian to emerge in the dreamtime.  So the question I often hear is, how do I know if that really is Dr. House in my dream? Here are five explanations of the Rich and Famous appearing in your dreamscape:sb10067679x-001

1) You want to be noticed. Maybe you’re feeling a little low profile in the workplace, unappreciated at home, or maybe just want to catch the attention of someone in particular. Sharing the spotlight with someone famous is a way of name-dropping, perhaps.

2) The famous person carries a meaning that is important to you. If it is a political figure, the dream may sharpen, challenge, or justify your views. Someone glamorous in a dream may ask you how well you are caring for your appearance and wellness. And the presence of a spiritual or religious icon may invite you to awaken the part of you that has compassion or connection for others.

3) “Day Residue:” Or, a recent exposure to the images of that person. Ever awaken with that song in your mind you heard the day before?  Sometimes these hook lines and catch phrases stay with us for days. So it is when watch Television or see a movie. Some dreams seem to be mostly a continuation of the drama with ourselves in it. In a way, my dream of the presidents was more likely a leftover from watching the election outcome than it was a desire to hang out with Bill Clinton. Focus on what is different about you in the dream, what is the theme of the action, or what makes this dream your dream and not theirs?

Celebrate good times. Come on!
Celebrate good times. Come on!

4) Wish fulfillment and Fantasy: Sometimes, we just want to win the lottery and party with the Kardashians. Come on, admit it!

5) Compensation. (This is not about getting a raise at work) Compensation is a term coined by Alfred Adler in 1907 in a work about the concept of inferiority feelings. The short cut is we admire in others some aspects we lack or are currently developing.

Carl Jung used tell us to pay attention to the little people in dreams. It is not always the big shot – we must ask, “what about the dream of the celebrity really applies to us?” So even if dreaming of celebrities is a rare event, it sometimes makes the dream memorable enough to recall and share the next day. That makes it noteworthy – it is a portal into our dream world, and if we can get beyond the initial amusement, we might just learn something about ourselves.